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transformation: part of our being

Updated: Mar 30

Part Two of a Three-Part Series:

Imagine yourself standing in front of a mirror. Configure your left hand like this: your fingertips point to the ceiling, your palm faces to the right, and now place your thumb at your sternum. Configure your right hand in the same shape, with your palm facing left. Touch the right hand’s thumb to your left hand’s pinky. This is a visual representation of your body in perfect frequency, aka resonance.

a women holding her hands up - hand one's thumb is touching her sternum and hand two's thumb is touching hand one's pinky

Now, move your right hand over to the left side of your body.

This is a visual representation of your body being out of frequency, aka dissonance.

a women's chest area with her hands held about a foot apart.

When we ignore our frequencies, we ignore who we are supposed to be, how we are supposed to show up in this world, and our impact on those around us.

I have two primary examples of this in my life.

One - Once upon a time, I worked for an entity that I was so proud to call my employer. I was in the honeymoon phase for at least a few years, and I believed with all my heart we were making good decisions for the company, the clients, and the community. However, I had “the experience.” You know... the one, the one that changes everything. The one you try to shake off and pretend it didn’t happen, but you can feel it so hauntingly deep in your soul. We were in a client meeting, and the client asked something of us that we could not commit to, but my boss committed anyway. At that moment, my trust was shaken. But I kept smiling throughout the meeting.

I stuck with the company even after that. You know, people make mistakes. But I was repeatedly shown that this was the company's culture: overpromising and underdelivering.

What’s that saying… when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

I found myself speaking up less in meetings, just nodding and going along with ideas for which I gave zero support. WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME?? I didn’t trust myself for some reason. I was suppressing my inner knowing. I just let the group lead, and I did the nodding. That will never catapult change. Ever.

Two- I grew up in Iowa, where there was a lack of cultural diversity. My one friend of color was Asian, but I didn’t really understand that life could be different between the two of us. She never talked to me about feeling different or being treated differently… maybe she didn’t feel those things, or maybe she didn’t feel comfortable talking about it with me, the “I don’t see color” friend.

Here’s an excerpt from the book “Why I’m No Longer Talking About Race” by Reni Eddo-Lodge, which really encapsulates how I feel now about my childhood:

Being white, Jenny would have probably gone to school where she was among other white children. And although children always find something to bully each other about, being white, Jenny won't have experienced racism in the playground. ‘Originally’, she says, ‘I just thought you shouldn't use certain words. Colour-blindness was something that was definitely taught to us in school. Growing up, I would have told you that racism is about calling people slurs. Or that racism was about laws about segregation. Or that racism was a two-way street, that anyone can be racist. I probably would have said that words like the N word were worse than someone calling somebody a cracker, for example, but I would have said that cracker is still racist. Now, that sounds ridiculous to me, but that was my very simplistic understanding. That racism was individuals, and I would not have seen systematic things.’ ... ‘race was something I was always aware of, just not in relation to myself…’

An upcoming blog post (part three of this series) will be presented by a dear friend of mine, Stacey Ferguson. She helped me craft these next thoughts:

When it came to supporting individuals from other races, I wasn’t feeling out of alignment because I was so unaware. I could sense my values start to shift at first with exposure - an experience or an observation that made me pause because it had never occurred to me before that my skin color gave me an advantage that my skin color meant I could go through life without having to calculate my moves, my words, my actions… and that the reverse was true for someone else of a different skin color. And then, more and more news stories were sharing the traumatic deaths of individuals from the Black community at the hands of white supremacy. I started to feel that frequency start to shift, but just subtle enough that I was able to proceed with my life nearly unimpacted. I would do my best to make sincere eye contact with strangers that were from the Black community in hopes they could see in my eyes that I wasn’t “one of those people”. That worked for me for a while, and I felt pretty good about it. And now, I can finally see that we have been asked to be allies and accomplices for a very long time...and I wasn’t paying attention.

What I know now is this:

Ignorance will never catapult change. Ever.

So why is this topic so important? What happens if we don’t stay true to ourselves?

Let me count the ways:

  1. It deflates confidence

  2. When we don’t have confidence, we don’t stand up for what’s right

  3. When we don’t stand up for what’s right, we lose sight of it

  4. When we lose sight of what’s right, we focus only on our world bubble

The moral of the story is to stay true to who you are. Stand up for injustices.

Mahatma Gandhi quote: It's easy to stand with the crowd but it takes courage to stand alone.

Stay tuned for part three!

Stacey is a Transformational Coach & Trainer; she will be adding to the conversation from her lens. I’m so excited for you to meet her.

Here's to you!

Melissa Mittelstaedt

Money Coach | Accredited Financial Counselor®


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